


Savior State

by JengaBox



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Canon typical drug use, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Nonbinary Sole Survivor - Freeform, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Temporary Character Deaths, Time Travel, au where everyone knows everyone elses pronouns always, mature to be safe, nonlinear storytelling at points, pre sosu/hancock, save mechanics as plot, smidge of whump i guess but thats bc i lov robodad, warning for discussions of suicide typical with this topic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-01-12 22:41:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18456074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JengaBox/pseuds/JengaBox
Summary: From most outsider’s perspectives, Crowe seemed to take to the wasteland like a fish to water. Constantly taking in what must have been world-shattering information with the same steady stride they took down raider camps and set up settlements.Many asked how they were still alive and Crowe always gave the same one word answer: “Luck”Fewer asked how they haven’t died yet, but Crowe has yet to answer them with more than a snort.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the canon divergences for Crowe:  
> *Aged 24  
> *Looking to avenge their brother and rescue their nephew  
> *Nonbinary  
> I’ll try to put relevant warnings in the beginning notes of each chapter, so:  
> -clockwork dick gets more than a little roughed up  
> -threats of death/bodily harm  
> -mentions of vomit  
> -mentions of drug use as coping

Crowe was nervous.

Now this wasn’t anything new to Nick, the kid got nervous a lot- he’d had to bail them out of more than enough awkward conversations in their year traveling together. They could pull it off as the “strong and silent” shtick they did whenever in public, but he could always catch the subtle shift in their face.

They were doing it now- their jaw moving slightly as they chewed intently on a piece of gum, eyebrows slightly pinching as their eyes caught on new information.

To the outside eye, there was no difference from this expression to the air of youthful apathy Crowe usually put on. He could tell though, they’d noticed something and they did not like it.

The real worry was Nick couldn’t tell what they were getting worked up over, even as his gaze followed the walls of the offices they were in, scanning the fresh graffiti on top of the faded, peeling posters and memos.

He took his opportunity to ask when Crowe circled back to loot after disarming the last tripwire in the room. He crouched beside the shorter human, gun out to watch their back as they shuffled through the desks to cram everything that caught their eye into the empty duffle bag they’d brought along.

     “What did I miss?” he asked while Crowe scrutinized doodled-on papers. To answer him they threw one of their knives into the wall behind him where it stuck in one of the fresher marks.

A stylistic black bird that, now he had noticed it, was scattered along the walls beak pointing down the hallway they’d yet to explore.

     “A corvid of some type, would you guess” he jabbed at them.

     “Its my tag” was the short, quiet answer

     “So the raiders are fans of your art?” Trying to pry futher.

Crowe looked up at him, their dark eyes piercing with a severity that would have chilled him to his bones, were it possible.

  
     “They shouldn’t know it”

Nick Valentine was not one you could call foolish. When he’d been approached with a missing person’s case that had seemed a bit too up their alley with too many holes, he’d suspected a trap right away. The girl they were supposedly saving had no paper trail at all, and her “parents” hadn’t given any details besides where she’d been taken.

He had mentioned it to Crowe before they left the office and they just cocked their head and asked if he was ready for the challenge.

Looking at the swath of disarmed traps behind them, the light of more up ahead, and the pained look behind Crowe’s eyes, he wondered if he should have pressed them into dropping the case.

     “You good to keep going Crowe?”

They responded by zipping the bag shut and heading up the hall to disarm more traps. When they noticed he wasn’t following they turned to explain.

     “If they know something, I would like to know how”

     “Fair enough, as long as you know what you’re getting into”

———

The next few minutes the two fell into their usual rhythm of disarming and scavenging, Crowe’s lovingly dubbed “junk trunk” getting packed to the brim with bits and bobs while he tuned his sensors for any signs of movement. While the office section of the building seemed to be empty of combatants Nick knew better than to take his eyes off Crowe’s six- this could go south in a moments notice.

     “Maybe they just don’t like solicitors” He tried joking as they climbed to the second floor. He got a half hearted smile for his efforts instead of a return to his banter.

     “This is really getting under your skin, if you dont mind the phrasing”

Crowe put down the mug they’d been appraising with eyes looking past it and headed down the hall again, leaving the rest of the room untouched.

He ended up taking the lead after his partner almost tripped over a broken chair in the middle of the hall- whatever issue Crowe was having with this place wasn’t going to go away until they got to the bottom of it and he’d rather they not step on a cryo-mine in the process.

First sign of current life were voices drifting over from where the offices merged with the warehouse further down the hall.

     “FUCK this is boring” the boisterous voice almost made him flinch when it cut through the silence.

     “Zip it, Ripcord” a rougher voice scolded “brat’s s’posed to be here soon”

The first one -Ripcord- huffed before responding

     “We trapped this fucker to the brim, Hubcap- if that hasn’t killed ‘em already why does Doc think we can do it with a couple of 10’s and some molotovs?” Nick stalked up to the side of the door and motioned for Crowe to follow.

     “Did they take the bait?” a softer voice asked. Nick checked his gun was reloaded proper and glanced at Crowe to see if they were ready to go in. They nodded, swapped out their pistol for their sniper riffle and motioned to let them go first.

     “Puh-Leeeze” drawled Ripcord “Only way bleeding hearts like them would be here quicker is if we’d actually nabbed a kid under their noses”

From the hallway he could see the catwalk lead around the edge of the warehouse and the stairs that headed down behind the campfire and ring of boxes that surrounded the raiders. Crowe moved left out of the door and pointed at the stairs for him to take.

Nick crept out to the edge of one of the storage box and waited for Crowe’s signal to strike.

     ”Where’d we even find a kid...” Started Hubcap.

A dull thud rang out from where Crowe had positioned themself and everything in the detective tensed as he imagined the worst. There was a soft scrabbling sound of boots against metal and the creak of boxes as he saw the shadow of one of the raiders stand up and head in his direction, toward the stairs.

‘Now or never’ he thought to himself and he stood up and stepped around to give covering fire.

He hardly had the chance to aim before his right knee was knocked out from under him with the flat side of a battleaxe. He felt something crack in it.

Nick went down hard on his other knee and redirected his sensors’ attention from the damage to aiming his pistol at the forehead of the hulking raider that had taken him down.

     ”Not this time, scrapheap!” came Ripcord’s wild cry that was almost drowned out by their own gunfire as three neat shots ripped through his arm before he could squeeze the trigger.

     ”Shit” he swore under his breath, dropping the gun and pulling his arm close to his chest, kicking himself backwards with his good leg to at least get behind cover.

When his efforts were rewarded with the feeling of a muzzle pressing against the back of his head he felt the tightness of anxiety in his chest. The raiders were far more prepared for them than they were for the raiders.

     ”Now let’s be civil, here” Hubcap’s taunting voice drifted down from behind him.

As the big one came up to stand infront of him with the axe and Ripcord started scanning the catwalk, he knew somewhere deep inside himself he had one try to distract them from Crowe.

Mind racing he took inventory of his options- grenades took two hands, spare knife wouldn’t get close enough fast enough, spare pistol would be his best bet. Putting his hand behind him under the guise of steadying himself he braced himself for one of the stupider things he’d done in a while.

     ”Some place you’ve got” He started, the pistol to his head nudging his hat almost into his eyes, but the woman otherwise didn’t respond to him. Very well.

Quick as he could he leaned away from the gun and pulled out the spare. He got one shot in and was rewarded with a splash of red from Ripcord’s shoulder before the big one’s boot caught him in the chest and he felt something in his chest bend and buckle as she leaned in.

     ”Son of a BITCH” Even from his suboptimal vantage point he could see the raider stomping back and forth grabbing their arm.

     ”Oh stop being such a big baby” the smaller woman walked over and punched them in the undamaged arm. “We both know you’ve had worse”

     “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, just make our point and blow the place”

Hubcap rolled her eyes and settled them on his with a bored look. Nick did his best to return it with glare but it turned into more of a wince when big one ground their heel against his chest. She didn’t break eye contact as she walked back so she was standing over him. He didn’t give her the small victory of a flinch when she kicked his damaged forearm from it’s cradled position to step on it.

     ”I feel the brat’s already starting to get the point. But Sledge?” the big one looked over at her and only then did Hubcap break eye contact. “Take his arm”

     “Crowe-“ He rasped as Sledge lifted their axe slowly, intentionally giving him time to realize what was coming, something he usually saw in the nastier characters out there. “Get out”

Some instinct in the back of his mind had him close his eyes, like that would help with what was about to happen.

Nick had lost limbs before- didn’t go this long in his line of work without taking some dings- but the pain was still out of place enough that he had to bite his tounge to stiffle the deeply encoded instinct to cry out when it happened.

He slipped into diagnostics mode long enough to make sure his systems had been rerouted properly around the damage before opening his eyes back to look at the raiders.

Hubcap hummed

     “Seems we’ve broken them before we’ve even had a chance to start on him”

He was hoping Crowe had made it out and that’s why they hadn’t done anything. That they’d missed the trio’s threats and were already far, far away from here.

A clanking sound from across the warehouse snuffed that hope right out.

The seeming go-to leader kicked the detached limb a bit further away from him and he did his best to not look at it. She nodded at Ripcord to head in the direction of the noise before she continued talking, projecting her voice loud enough that anyone in the warehouse would hear it.

     ”Sledge, before we give this another go, do you think we should finish what we’ve started? He’s looking a little lopsided”

Sledge gave a grin that was too many teeth.

     “Was thinking of just working counterclockwise, myself”

     “And that’s why you’re the artist, dear” The feeling of his back skidding across concrete as the big brute readjusted his position to prepare her next strike.

Before the axe could come down again, two gunshots rang out in quick succession and he could feel the warm blood drip onto him the same time the battleaxe fell flatly to his side. 

Two more and he no longer felt Sledge’s weight on him, hearing Hubcap’s soft swears and the clang of another weapon dropping. Glancing to his right he saw Hubcap trying to support the larger woman’s entire weight.

     ”Ripcord, detonate-“ She was cut off by the other raider who was furiously fiddling with a remote

     ”I can’t, fucker blocked the signal” they shouted, debating for a moment before throwing the detonator aside to draw their riffle.

And then there they were, Crowe, looking like an angel of death jumping over the railing. Their mask had been pulled back down over their face, their hood up over their hair and their coat billowed behind them looking almost like black wings.

Two pistols in hand they landed and shot round after round at the raiders. They tucked and rolled behind a crate and continued their barrage.

     ”Fuck this” Ripcord hobbled over on a damaged leg and helped drag Sledge around the box and his ears followed them out the door on the other side.

Once he was sure they were really outside he rolled to his left and began to prop himself up on his good hand.

Crowe pushed their mask back up and ran over to help him to his feet and he could smell the jet lingering on their breath. They tucked themselved under what was left of his right arm and wrapped their arm around his waist

     “Y’know I don’t like it when you use that shit” he softly chastised. Crowe just lowered their head against the side of his chest and hefted him further upward off his bad knee.

Crowe propped him up against the wall on top of a crate.

     “Can you fix it?” The drugs left a faint waver to their voice.

Nick experimentally tested his leg. Not the worst kneecapping he’d had by a longshot.

     “Arm, no. Knee, yes.”

     “With only one hand?”

He let out a short loud laugh despite himself.

     “Kid I’ve done it with my teeth before, this should be a breeze. You good to keep watch?”

Crowe gave a curt nod and handed him the small repair kit they kept on their belt and took a few steps closer to the boxes closer to the can.

     ”Gonna... see if they left any clues” and they quickly jogged around the side of one of the larger boxes.

Not the response he’d expected. No inquisitive “Teeth?!” or snippy “This a normal Tuesday then?”. They didn’t even stick around to give him the curious looks they usually gave when he began making repairs- the same ones they gave when looking at the more “inovative” first aid in the wasteland.

Kid was usually far too eager to learn new tricks to fix people- flesh or metal.

Instead they’d turned tail like they couldn’t stomach the sight of his wires sticking out. If he heard them heaving from behind the crate, he could just pretend it was the grinding of his own gears as he got to work.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment to gather yourself and think of all the ways a plan can go bad.
> 
> And then it goes wrong in other ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings:  
> descriptions of injury (robotic and human), death, and blood
> 
> please let me know if you think there is something else I should warn about!  
> I’m pretty unphased by a lot of stuff so it makes it hard to judge what’s potentially upsetting

     Crowe came back with a gingerly wrapped thin parcel cradled under one of their arms. They set it on the box next to him and took off their duffle bag, emptying it out and organizing it into piles.

     “Come back to give me a hand?” one of his worse jokes, but it got Crowe fighting back a smile so he supposed it was worth it.

     Nick checked the connection of the last wire in his hand and he slipped it back into the casing. He made the noise of clearing his throat as he pushed the pants leg down.

     Crowe looked up, mouth still scrunched from deciding between two “#1 boss” mugs. 

     “Think you can help me do some damage control on my arm?” He saw the tightness in their expression as they drew their eyes to the empty space. Clearly they had been trying to not think about it.

     “How so?”

     “Checking the wires and tubes weren’t yanked further up and taping the open ends down. I can do it myself-definitely had worse- but the second pair of eyes is welcome.”

     Crowe grabbed a half used roll of electrical tape from their jacket and clambored up on the box next to him. He didn’t have to walk them through it- it was a similar procedure to what they’d done for any of his blunt force damage- and almost as soon as he felt uncomfortable with the tugging and prodding, it stopped.

     “Clean slice, few near the port got close to coming loose though. Chest feeling okay?” He gave a stretch and he saw them wince at the metal-on-metal scratching. He probably had the brute’s boot print embeded an inch deep

     “Good as it’ll get without a real fix-up. Just make sure the wires are taped down, rather them not get caught on something.” While they focused on that, he carefully rummaged through his own supply kit to pull out a bottle of water.

     “Done.” They rolled his sleeve back down and he pressed the water into their hand.

     “Here’s your tip, doc” Crowe gave an eyeroll at his presentation but drank it down anyways.

     When they’d finished they shook the residue from the bottle and placed it in the pile with other bottles.

     “What’s the plan from here? I don’t think they went too far but I’m not sure we should exactly stick around.” He only got a “I’m thinking” hum in response. He tried again,

     “Just keep in mind that your limbs won’t go back on as easy.” He let them finish thinking, but if it was up to him they’d be hauling out of here and already be halfway back to their temporary base camp.

     It wasn’t until they’d organized their haul back into a lighter load and gave it a few test lifts that they gave an answer.

     “We run out the door they left through and scope out how many there are. The back exit has walls around it but it still opens up toward the city- we run east ‘til we hit our camp or first safehouse, depending on how many are after us”

     This wasn’t the stupidest plan of theirs he’d heard and they’re pulled off way deadlier with worse odds, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. “Fine” Nick got up and pulled Junk Trunk out of their hand, setting it down and unzipping it to tuck his lost arm into it. Slipping it over his back he scooted the other two packs closer with his foot and put them on to Crowe’s disaproving look. He gave his counterpoint,

     “You’d be lucky to make a run to the door, weighed down like that. Speed’s not your strong suit”

     “Yeah, but it’s my trash in there” they scowled.

     “Actually, that’s my arm. So, I think it’d be my responsibility” he shuffled through his bag for his pistol before remembering he’d left it on the closer to the barrels.

     Crowe’s disgruntled look followed him as he went over to pick it up and reload it by holding the end in his teeth.

     The first time his hands fumbled with it, Crowe was over there fast as anything prying it out if his grip and reloading it themself. He saw their hesitation to hand it back to him, thinking.

     After a pause they handed it back, but quickly followed the action with their request, “Keep it away long as you can- we need to do some climbing to get out of here”

     “Good point” it would be hard enough climbing and dodging bullets with one hand, juggling a gun would be near impossible. They put the safety on and  slipped it into his jackets left pocket.

     “Ready to run?” He asked Crowe, making his way in front of the door and motioned them to go ahead of him.

     “As I’ll ever be” They got their riffle out in one hand and turn the knob, taking a deep breath they shoved it open and he was instantly hit by the cool night air.

     Then he was instantly hit by Crowe bodyslamming him back inside onto the ground. Something shattered as it hit the other side of the door.

     They quickly scrabbled off of him and grabbed his good hand, dragging him a good few feet before he could get his legs under him again.

     “What the hell are you doing, kid?” He shouted at them, following the trail they were pulling him through back to the office section if the warehouse.

     When Crowe turned to sprint up the stairs they paused to look at him. He saw the wild look in their eye that meant they were fighting off the beginnings of an anxiety attack. Rarely did Crowe’s “fight or flight” insticts choose flight.

The two broke their eye contact when an echoing ‘BANG’ told them the door was opened.

     “Shit” he swore, and he used his arm to scoop up Crowe and run up the stairs two at a time.

     As usual, the action startled Crowe, but then they pulled out their assault riffle and steadied their arms as best they could on his shoulder.

     “Out the way we came, yeah?” He asked, soft enough for Crowe to hear it.

     “Yeah” was the hoarse echo near his ear before he was almost deafened by gunfire.

     As much as Nick wanted to see whatever fuckers could shake Crowe this badly with just a glance, he pushed himself forward, letting them deal with whoever was following.

     When he kicked open the door they’d entered by, a quick glance left and right showed him that the raiders hadn’t been planning on them using this exit and no one was guarding the door.

     He did see one starting to round the corner though, so he picked up his pace.

     This side was pointing away from Diamond City, he’d have to circle around or turn once they were far enough out. If he made a left at-

     “DUCK” Crowe shouted, right in his ear too, and he dropped down as low as he could without crushing his partner. He followed the cacophonous ‘WHOOSH’ that went over his head to see the missle shoot past and hit a building.

     As he got up, he risked a glance back and he saw the raider named Ripcord reloading their launcher, distantly followed by two others in full brotherhood power armor. The end of his glance his eyes caught on a figure framed by moonlight, calmly standing on the roof of the warehouse.

     “I think they knew we were coming” he stated, dry joke rewarded by a small huff of appreciation from Crowe.

     “Hes taking aim again,”

     “Gotcha” Nick turned on his heel to run left and he heard the second missile shoot past them. Into the car they had been aiming for instead.

     The pair broke contact as they went rolling across the ground, pushed a decent distance by the blast. His coat was singed and several spots of his body were less than pleased at his tumble.

     He saw a bus just inside the radius of the blast catch fire and quickly he scanned for Crowe in the shrapnel.

     They were face down and mumbling a string of curses, a few yards closer to the brewing explosion than he was. Nick got up and rolled them over, pulling them upright to hold them, or run, or get them to cover or anything useful when they dug their feet into the ground and shoved him as hard as they could. He rolled twice before he could stop himself to look back at Crowe diving the other way as a third missile was sent their direction.

     Fumbling a moment after the explosion shook him-but did not fully reach him- he pulled out his pistol and aimed at the now close enough Ripcord, who quickly fell with a hole in their head.

     The two in power armor were pulling up their miniguns. If it wasn’t time to get to cover before- it was now.

     He sprinted across the street to the collapsed building corner he’d seen Crowe headed to and his metaphorical heart sank when he saw the blood pooling from behind it.

     They were mostly unconscious when he finally got over there and he started to take in the worse of the wounds.

     Crowe’s abdomen was covered in slowly bleeding punctures and their left arm wasn’t bleeding because it had been badly burned. A large gash went from the corner of their left eye to their ear and was bleeding the most frighteningly. The second blast must have gotten them.

     Not wanting to waste much time with the raiders- actually he wasn’t even sure they were raiders, too organized, too smart even-

     Not wanting to waste much time with the hostiles on their tail, he pushed Crowe’s bandana down off their forehead and secured it around the gash on their face and pulled off his coat, guiding their hands to hold it in place. They yelped when he picked them up before securing their good arm around his shoulder

     “Mm srry” They slurred.

     “You’re gonna be fine, Crowe, keep pressure on it.” He started running. They weren’t in immediate threat of bleeding out, the shrapnel was doing a pretty good job of blocking the hole it made. By his estimation, as long as the starting to form scabs didnt split open, they’d be safe to travel for a while.

     “Fucked up, sorry”

     “We can point blame when you’re not punched full of holes” Where would be the best place to take them?

     Crowe made a whiny groan, but didnt protest further.

     Nick mapped the quickest path to Diamond City. He didn’t know how much the hostiles knew, or how much they planned, but he’d feel a lot safer behind those walls and with some guards between them.

     Then, he just let his legs do the running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowe is High Strength, Low Endurance- because thats the representation I Need
> 
> Next chap has some history on Crowe and some more doors being kicked open.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glance to the past, Some fixing in Crowe’s future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for:  
> drug use,  
> depictions of violence and blood,  
> descriptions of wounds,  
> descriptions of tending wounds

     First time he remembered seeing Crowe they were high as a kite and shot half as straight. They were openly carrying a slightly modified sledgehammer and a heavily modified shotgun, quietly stalking up to the mobster threatening him on the other side of the glass.

     He was watching them sway forward out of the corner of his eye while he distracted the guard, absently wondering how they planned to hit anything with balance like that.

     Couldn’t really argue with their solution to that problem after the guard’s top half practically liquified onto the circular window with one blast of what was now looking more like a grenade at the end of a stick. Clacking and soft cursing told him they were trying to get into the computer. 

     “He probably had the password on him.” Nick let his voice tip just a bit judgmental.

     A pause. The unsavory squishing noise of boots on blood.

     He lit a cigarette and took a deep draw of it, no telling what kind of person he’d be dealing with here until he met them for himself.

     A click and the door swings open.

     First thoughts on seeing them, half covered in blood, eyes fogged over, medicine bag and weapons both readily available were “Oh good, addict with a gun fetish. This always ends well.”

     The then-stranger looked him up and down, not in horror or disgust but more scrutinizing than that.

     “Crowe” They pointed at themself. “Dogmeat” They pointed at the familiar face padding in behind them, surprisingly less bloodsoaked. Pointed at him with an eyebrow raise.

     “Nice gesture, but I know you heard that loudmouth talking at me” met with a shrug.

     “Doing okay, then?” the eyebrow again.

     “Just peachy. I suggest we get out of here before they start rallying again” He wasn’t sure what someone like them would want freeing him. A sour part of him piped up that maybe they were just in it to blow apart as many guys as they could and he was a convinient grab.

     Crowe started crunching on a few mentats as they made their way down the stairs and he almost had to physically bite his tounge to hold in the comment he was going to make. Best not to antagonize a cannon until you were sure it wasn’t loose.

     At the end of the hallway they paused for a moment, looked back at him to make sure he was following and gave Dogmeat a pet on the head.

     That was a point for them in the “trust” column at least. Dogmeat tolerated them- hell if the collar decorated with bandanas mean anything, he loved them. Nick hadn’t known the dog to be one to accept shows of ownership like that, he’d nearly lost a finger the one time he tried.

      Crowe cocked their head to the side and motioned him back away from the door out of the large room. Seconds after he ducked against the wall, angry voices carrying threats made their way closer.

     The odd pair of dog and human made quick work of the the triggermen that flooded into the atrium- Crowe switching to sledgehammer to clear the men in the doorway to the ground just inside the room, Dogmeat finishing the job with a well placed bite. 

     Nick stooped down to grab the pistol off the body that was pushed closest to him in the chaos, small piece of insurance in case this went south. A last splat and the hallway stilled. Crowe crouched and began rumaging through the bodies’ pockets.

     “So what made you come after an old bot anyways?” He risked the chance of setting off this unknown, but he’d like to make sure this kid was part of the “Good Guys”. And find another exit if they weren’t.

     Another shrug from them, an automatic response, and a casual “seemed fun” with eyes darting around the room.

     “Don’t doge the question,” He pressed.

     Silence again. Not avoidance this time, but pondering as they stared out over the floor, away from him. They put the bullets they’d found in their bag and stood up, still not meeting his gaze.

     “She thinks you’re dead. The lady from your office?” Their voice drifted over to him, softer and less confident than the one used for introductions. “Didn’t much like the look on her face when she said that, so I came to fix it.”

     Damn, he winced. Ellie though he was dead? He’d been away on a case for longer than a week before, didn’t think she’d have enough time to worry.

     “How’d you know I wasn’t?” He stubbed out his cigarette against the wall, the memory of a bad taste in his mouth.

     “Didn’t. Figured bad closure would be better than nothing” At that they lightly kicked the bodies asside with a foot and continued through the vault. 

     He’d have to keep an eye on them a bit longer, but it was enough to take his hand off the gun loaded into his pocket. Either a real good samaritan, or a really good actor.

_______________

     There’s something to be said about the time between midnight and morning. The way it seems to drag on for far more hours than it has any reason to, the almost hypnotic quality in the air.

      Can make someone forget why they’re running full tilt, hearing nothing but the mismatched whir and stomp of legs he stopped feeling around an hour in.

     Only time Nick’s rhythm was broken was when new obstacles popped up- raider camp that had walled off the street, patrol of supermutants he was in no condition to outrun, or just plain old newly fallen rubble, still too unsettled to risk climbing over without use of his hands.

     A third guard called his name as he ran past and he finally heard it. Nick remembered how to send messages other than “Go” to his leg and had slowed to a stop a few feet off of the fourth guard decked out in Diamond City gear.

     “What the hell, Valentine? You scared the shit out of Kade running like that, where’s the fire?”

     Recognition rang in the back of his mind as she shouted and he stared blankly at her face. Hops, he’d helped her find old jewelry or something. The guard behind him turning their makeshift flashlight on helped him shove his mind back to the situation at hand.

     “Oh shit, is that the vaultie?” Hops hissed, and he broke eye contact.

     It took him a second to find his voice admist his thoughts.

     “We might have been followed. They have power armor.”

     What he didn’t say was “And Crowe was scared of them” or “They were too prepared for us” or “I think they have spies”

     He didn’t say any of that, but the fact that the commonweath’s most unkillable hero was close to dying in his arm seemed to carry more weight than any arrangement of words.

     “Well fuck me then,” She motioned him past and began shouting into her coms about needing backup patrols as he picked up running again.

     The gate was open when he got there and he let himself be stopped long enough by Danny to hear that their local doctor was out of town. He brushed off the offers to carry them.

     Nick grumbled lowly as he more cautiously ran down the stairs to the first ally he knew he could trust, Piper. One swift, practiced kick took care of the door issue.

     “Wright,” he ignored the gun that was pointed at him as Piper rolled herself off the couch into a ready position, “Get your first aid kit and meet me in my office.” a moment of thought “bring Nat too”

     “Jesus, Ni- What the hell did you do to your arm?” Confused, but she’d gotten his message and he could explain when Crowe wasn’t punched full of metal.

     Turning on his heel he made the familiar path back to his office and hoped Ellie’d forgive him for the fright.

The door swung open right before he made to kick it open and his secretary motioned him inside to the desk she’d already cleared off and sanitized.

     Nick set Crowe down and Ellie shooed him to the side while she started removing their layers of armor, careful not to remove the coat pressed to their abdomen yet. She looked up at him still standing there staring at Crowe.

     “Guards told me you were on your way in, what happened out there?”

     He stood at the edge of the desk and let the silence sit in the air for a while as he thought how best to put it.

     “Well. We were right about it being a trap. Turns out we were wrong about being prepared for it.” Nick looked away from the barely breathing form on the desk and tried to not think about how much worse things could have been. He suddenly felt the ache and creak of his legs again, the scraping of his chest when he moved, and the memory of pain in an arm no longer there.

     He slipped the bags off onto the floor and sat down at his own desk, trusting Ellie to tell him if their friend’s condition worsened. Staring down the case file on his desk he tried to think of nothing, but kept being pulled to wonder who were the people behind the trap, and what they possibly could have wanted.

     The door swung open wide, drawing both of the concious parties’ hands to their weapons, lowering when Piper came in with six different first aid kits and a rather sleepy Nat in tow.

     Piper swapped places with Ellie without saying a word, assessing the damage and lining up what tools and medicines they’d need while the secretary redirected her sister.

     “Hey, Nat” Ellie put on a cheerful voice like her hands weren’t stained red “You can head on back and go back to sleep, you can come with me to pick out breakfast when you wake up”

     Nat nodded, yawned and Ellie watched her climb into the bed under the stairs and tug the blanket over her head. She waited a moment to make sure the child was really asleep and went back out to Piper who was measuring out a dose of med-x.

     “Did a decent job at keeping them stable,” the reporter started peeling away the stained coat when Ellie came back. “Still lost a lot of blood, but they’ll make it if we work quick.” Piper motioned to the shrapnel wounds.

     “Get the debris out and I’ll stim it behind you?” Ellie offered

     “Got it” Piper agreed, and the two quickly worked out a steady rhythm. They stopped only for a moment when Piper deemed them stable enough for a bit of sedative, but continued patching up their friend until all that was left of the damage were the light raised patches of just-healed scars.

     Nick didn’t move from his desk the entire time the women worked, eyes distant in thought, looking at a case file he’d thought he didn’t need anymore- a sparsely filled manilla folder he’d put away months ago, Crowe’s folder.

     If he didn’t have answers for who they were then, he didn’t know why he thought he’d be getting them now. He knew a lot, sure, who they were before the war, but he had the feeling he had only scraped the surface of who they had turned into after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more Crowe past next one  
> also i drew a quick sketch of crowe but i’ll put it up when i figure out how bc im always on my phone browser lol


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowe pets dogmeat in the past  
> Nick becomes lumberjack dad in the present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for:  
> drug use,  
> descriptions of blood  
> i think that’s it, actually, this one is pretty mild

     Crowe stopped right before the door leading outside the vault and began scrounging around drawers. Kid had gone full stop after every room full of triggermen and searched the place for junk.

     If Nick hadn’t already spent weeks waiting out in that damned office, he’d be afraid of coming home late with how Crowe dragged on their escape. It did, however, give him time to sit and think up a game plan for Malone waiting right outside the door. Chances are, whatever ‘grace’ had prevented the man from murdering him before had run out once Crowe stepped foot against his men.

     Speak of the devil, it seemed they were finally ready. They’d pulled down the gas mask from over their mouth and swapped out their helmet for a faded hat they plucked off a body. With a smug smile that pulled at their scarred lips, they motioned “Same” at his head and theirs.

     He had to remind himself he wasn’t getting attached, even as familiar as this stranger felt- they were still that, a stranger. A dangerous one. He readied himself.

     “Malone’s out there, he’s not going to be too happy about the redecoration, if you catch my drift.”

     “Think he’d listen?” Crowe commented as they fished their tin of drugs out again and downed a handful more of mentats. He’d have been fine continuing to let that slide if they hadn’t pulled out an opaque bottle labled “Vodka” to chase it with.

     His hand went out to their wrist before he even decided to stop them. “Are you Trying to get yourself killed out there?” Crowe blinked blankly at him several times and he wondered if this was the point they’d turn against him.

     They calmly pulled their arm out from his iron grip and pulled the cork off with their teeth, tipping the bottle at him for him to see a dark blue liquid sloshing about.

     It took him longer than he’d like to admit to recognize it as a sports drink they used to sell containers of powder for. “My apologies then.”

     Crowe waved him off, while taking a drink “Not the first time it’s happened. Need to repaint my bottles but haven’t had time- most of these are AthElite though, for future reference.” They patted a side bag that rattled noisily.

     Well and truly distracted from his previous train of thought. “How’d you even find that much? I haven’t seen a packet of the stuff since before the bombs”

     They perked up, beaming more energy than they’d shown the whole trek up the vault.

     “Right? Used to work at the Sup’Dup near here and knew where they hid the stock- beelined right to it once I remembered” They didn’t notice his eyebrows faintly draw together and instead pulled their mask back up and gave a big sigh. “God I miss food dye”

     “You’re pre-war?” The disbelief in his voice seeped out thick enough that Crowe froze to the spot. “How’s that even possible”

     “I mean, took a hell of a nap” They started adjusting their armor. “Them vaults were pretty shit but their cryo worked. Ish.”

     “Worked-ish?” Nick then realized this was likely a sensitive topic he’d stumbled upon and quickly gave them an out. “Thats quite the bit of beauty sleep you got then.”

     “I know right?” Crowe took the olive branch “but I still have bags under my eyes- I’d ask them to pop me in for another 20, but they weren’t really open for business anymore”

     “Probably their poor customer service, if what I’ve been hearing about vault-tech is true”

     “Don’t even have a manager I can complain at anymore!”

     His idea of them shifted a bit. The compulsive scavenging made more sense- kid was probably starting their whole life from scratch. Their weapons were likely still in the testing stages too.

     The drug habit was probably a more recent thing for them, but he knows there’s been days he’d envied other’s ability to forget the world like that. Still something he’d want to help them off of later.

     Looking back at their face with that revelation in mind, Nick felt something in the back of his mind spark with recognition. Figuratively, he hoped. 

     Seems he’d have to try and sift through old Nick’s memories when he made it back to the office.

     Crowe’s eyes crinkled into a smile and Dogmeat nosed under their to take advantage of their improved mood to get pet. They happily obliged, gently hitting their gasmask on the top of his head to mimic a kiss.

     “If you’re ready to move on I’ll get the door, but you might want to follow my lead.” Nick watched the second it took Crowe to remember they weren’t safe just yet and they scrambled over to stand to the right of him.

     With a whistle, Dogmeat went to stand on the other side of him and both parties got into a defensive pose around him. Nick just rolled his eyes and poped open the door.

_______________

     An hour after Crowe was properly bandaged up and moved to the matress the team had dragged over, Ellie finally convinced Nick to leave from in front of his desk. He’d been sitting in the chair, staring down at his partner trying to piece together what he had.

     “If you just sit there brooding, its not going to wake them up faster. I can keep an eye on them while you,” Here she poked his chest, “find a decent change of clothes”

     He looked down to where she was poking him and saw the dried blood crusted all down his front. “I’ll just wear my spare-“

     “That _is_ your spare” Ellie tossed the crumpled jacket into an empty basket and filled it with her own run-of-the-mill dirty clothes. “You lost your main one when you decided to go-“

     “-go ‘traipsing through a deathclaw nest’ yes, I remember now” Nick pinched the bridge of his nose. He definitely didn’t want Crowe to wake up to him covered in their blood, but he hated having to find clothes. Hardly anything was in his size anymore and everything but his normal outfit felt... wrong.

     “I can wake Piper to go with you, if you want?” Ellie offered at his hesitation.

     “Already up” Piper mumbled, shuffling over to the desk, trying to get her hair in order. “Only got about 10 minutes, but I should be good. Where are we going?”

     “Nick needs clothes”

     Piper nodded “On it,”

     “Not sure that’s necessary, I’m sure I can find something by myself”

     “No,” Ellie supplied, grabbing the soap behind him “You’re going to go in there and sigh at every outfit until I find you staring at a pair of jeans and suggest you just wear a sheet. Piper can at least speed this up a bit- I still owe Nat breakfast later.”

     - - -

     He had to admit, Piper made this a lot easier. She just walked up to the counter, pointed at him and began shuffling through the pile of clothes she was pointed towards.

     Five minutes later she’d gotten a pile of variously patterned and colored button ups and two pairs of nicer jeans that would fit him. Becky appologized that she didnt have any more coats like the one she’d last given him as he looked through Piper’s choices. He waved off her apology and had to gently push Piper out of the way when she went to pay for them.

      Getting changed in the backroom and heading back up the stairs he quietly admitted to himself that a flanel shirt was not the worst thing he could be wearing. He then admitted to himself that he would rather die than let Ellie know that.

     On the way back Nick’s ears caught on a conversation between two of the guards.

     “-imself up in the dugout since midnight, I think he’s taking this pretty hard” With a practiced step he slowed to listen, pretending to look at the jobs posters.

     “Damn shame too, songs are on loop and its getting on my nerves” the first guard elbowed the second who quickly revised his statement,

     “I mean, I get why he’d be so upset- he practically idolizes the vaultie, shit I look up to ‘em too, but something was going to take them down someday maybe it’s just happening sooner than we think” Nick slightly crumbled the paper and put it in his pocket.

     Piper stepped back in sync with him when he rounded the corner.

     “You heard it too huh?” He half whispered

     “Travis acting odd” she plainly stated.

     “I was more concerned about the mindnight part” He heard her steps shuffle as she connected the same dots he did. They hadn’t even breached city limits until around 4 AM. “It seems our local DJ knows a bit more than he lets on”

     “Are we gonna wait for Crowe?” She stopped outside the door to his office. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. He didn’t have all the facts but Crowe did- if Travis knew something, they would be the only one who could corroborate it.

     “Seems we have to” He opened the door, set the blood-ruined clothes on the desk and sat back in his vigil. Piper gave his shoulder one pat and went to try and reclaim more sleep.

     Distantly, Nick saw Nat and Ellie leave, Piper’s voice following them out the door with suggestions. In the quiet after, all he could hear was Piper’s shuffling, Crowe’s even breathing, and his own bone deep whir.

     He leaned over his desk and flicked on his radio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time- Crowe wakes up and the gang makes a plan


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Lot Of Talking Gets Done And Some Of It Is Roasting Crowe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for:  
> Casual talks about repeated dying,  
> Brief implications of torture,  
> Glanced over injury description

* * *

     Crowe woke up to Magnolia’s voice floating through a speaker and a raging headache. They fumbled at their pipboy and groaned when that wasn’t the source of the noise.

     God, their whole body hurt.

     They rolled over to their back and checked where they were. Wherever it was, it wasnt back in that damned warehouse, so already it was okay in their book.

     The one eye cracked open caught on Valentine trying to look away like he hadn’t been watching them.

     “Good to see you awake, how you feeling?”

     Crowe just let out a long and loud grumble and pushed themselves into a sitting position.

     “If you want the plate of the truck that hit you last night, I think Ellie pulled a good part of it from your gut” He joked as they grabbed for the glass of water set next to them.

     The quiet after his joke was more uneasy than the two’s usual silence.

     “Nick,” glowing eyes snapped back to them “can you just give me a quick reminder of what happened”

     “It was a trap.”

     “Yes, but.” they tried to raise their left arm to rub at their face and winced when it tugged at the still healing shoulder. “So it was a trap, I went in, like an idiot, how did we get out?” Memories stirred in their head and Crowe found they didn’t want to grasp at any of them.

     “Same way we came in. Got chased by two brutes in power armor and the late ‘Ripcord’- They were the one who was shooting missiles at us. I picked you up and ran back here.” As he described it, they were able to align it with one of the memories, digging up some of the others in the process.

     They gave a sharp inhale and focused on the matress under them. Here and now. They’d gotten out- both of them.

     “Crowe.” They opened their eyes to lock onto his. “Who were they?” Sharply looking away, Crowe pulled themself off the ground, thankful for the overlarge tee they used as pajamas not rubbing against their bandages.

     They ran their eyes over his face, down to the empty sleeve, down to the case file with their name on it, back up to what he was wearing.

     “Why do you look like a lumberjack”

     He rolled his eyes, “I’m doing alright, thanks for asking” They knew the real answer for the outfit change, they knew that he knew too.

     Crowe was stalling. Nick was letting them stall. For now. Anything to distract them from what had happened. Or, looking at the condition of things, not happened.

     Nat slammed the door open and shouted “You’re alive!” before dropping the two bowls they were holding gently on the desk so they could give Crowe a hug. Crowe ignored their body’s protests so they could scoop the girl into a spin before setting them down.

     “Nat! How’s Diamond city’s smallest detective-in-training doing?” Nat just laughed in response

     “Shes gonna be a reporter, goddamit” Came the mumbled retort from the other room.

     “Then why is she wearing a detective hat?” Nick joined in, shoving his hat over Nat’s as Piper stuck her head around the corner.

     “They make a good case, Pipes” Nat joked, adjusting the hat.

     “I got you a press hat for Christmas, it’s your fault you don’t wear it” the sisters devolved into making faces at each other.

     Ellie gave Crowe a soft smile from where she stood in the doorway and nodded her head at the stimpack on the desk behind them.

     Crowe took the medicine as secretive as they could, not wanting Nat to see how bad it really was. They felt mountains better after the dose hit their system.

     Nat ran back to the desk to grab the bowls, handing one to Piper. Nick motioned while Nat’s back was turned, asking if she should be around to hear the truth of what happened. Crowe shook their head slightly, Ellie nodded in understanding.

     The group ate for a few minutes until Ellie looked over at the clock reading 9 AM and made a convincing gasp of shock.

     “Hey Nat, don’t you have school today?” the secretary’s question was instantly met with a whiny “but do I have to go today?”

     “Hey, kid” Crowe started “I won’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?”

     “Even if I’m in class?”

     “I’ll break the schoolhouse walls down if I have to” Crowe promised

     “Aw man, that would be a cool entrance” Nat mused as she finished up the last few bites before running out the door.

     No longer feeling they had to build themself up as invincible, Crowe felt their stomach turn and they left their bowl on Nick’s desk to slide back down onto the matress. They breathed in and out purposfully, focusing on the feeling that this was a safe place- a safe moment.

     “I’m ready to talk a bit, if you guys are ready.” Eyes locked on the ground, they heard chairs scraping to get closer. They picked at a loose thread at their hem and began to choose their words carefully.

 

     “I can’t really... Die.”

     No one said anything, so they continued, “Like, if something kills me I wake up before it happened, and I don’t know how, I don’t know why, and I _could_  have had this power before I went under, but I also never died back then so I don’t know.”

     “How many times?” Piper asked a steady look of concern underlaid with concentration and searching.

     Crowe gave a crude laugh. “Lost track a long, long time ago, after about a hundred.” Their face twisted as they thought. “And for a long time I hated it, I couldn’t control when I went back to, could get stuck seeing the same horrible thing over and over. But. I learned.” They took a steadying breath.

     “And then I learned that I got the better end of the deal. I met someone who felt time the way I did, but they didn’t know why the days didn’t stick, why hours were lost skipping into the same minute. Some. Some shit happened and I ended up meeting more people like that. But I didn’t stop and think that this meant anyone else I met could.” They stopped and wiped at their eyes to try and push back the more unpleasant memories.

     “Those raiders” Nick supplied, voice soft, like he was scared he was going to spook them.

     “Yeah” their voice cracked. A small sniffle and they barreled forward with their explanation

     “And then I died a bunch in a stupid, obvious trap and got my ass blown up by a car. Thats basically the whole story.” Crowe mentally took all their conflicting anxieties and stuffed them deep into their chest, where it wasn’t going to bother anyone else.

     “Jesus, Blue, that’s a lot to drop on a lady” Piper held her hand up to her chest.

     “You’re right, I’m sorry, Ellie” Crowe joked lamely. Ellie gave a small smile at Piper’s “Hey!” but was visibly mulling over the information.

     They risked a glance at Nick, he was still staring into the distance.

 

     Piper broke the silence after a minute of them all thinking.

     “Going to be honest here, now that you’ve said that, every weird thing you’ve done makes a lot more sense”

     Crowe scoffed “Name one.”

     “Charging headfirst into a supermutant den because they _might have_ Hop’s necklace” Ellie supplied.

     “Sometimes you take two steps into a building before telling us it’s not worth it” Piper added.

     “There was the one time you came in here trying to walk off a broken leg?” Ellie chimed back in, and Piper nodded before adding

     “You have a crazy high pain tolerance, but still cry when the stray cats scratch you”

     “Hey,” Crowe protested, “That’s emotional damage”

     “Still, theres the time you ran through a radioactive crater packed full of ferals and called it a shortcut” Piper countered.

     Nick’s gaze focused back in on them before he added to the girls’ point

     “Crowe, I would write a book of all the stupid shit I’ve seen you pull, but I don’t think there’s enough usable paper left in the entire commonwealth for me to do it”

     They had to relent at that one. Crowe felt a surge of relief at their friends’ acceptance and relaxed as they began nitpicking over their different habits. The three were swapping stories of when they’d seen Crowe jump over railings, through danger, and off buildings just to get places quicker.

 

     Crowe waited for Ellie to finish her telling of when they jumped off the mayor’s elevator as it went down because they saw a box of paperclips on the ground before they cleared their throat.

     “Um, So I’m not used to having to explain this to anyone without y’know, them remembering and me having died a few times to prove it. So. Thanks?”

     “You mentioned that before, who else remembers?” Ellie started carefully.

    Nick answered before Crowe could start, with Piper quickly after him,

     “Hancock”

     “God, yeah Hancock”

     Crowe pinched up their face, “Hey, how’d you guess?”

     “Overheard you challenge him to a knife fight, quickly followed by you handing him a bag of caps.” Piper proposed.

     “You very unsubtly hinted that he should kill you when you broke your other leg outside of Quincy” Nick stated, tone implying he could go on.

     “To be fair, I didn’t know he knew how to set a bone and there were like, a hundred gunners willing to do the job for him” Crowe waved it off. “But also Travis, Dogmeat, and Mama Murphy know”

     A pause.

     “Oh shit, Travis” Piper whispered in realization “Crowe, we were gonna bring it up later- apparently he was freaking out all night”

     “Well. Fuck,” Crowe’s brow furrowed, “I mean. Yeah, I need to talk to him before we leave. Been told the skipping is unpleasant.”

     Ellie squinted, “If the skipping’s happened before, why hasn’t anyone noticed him getting weird like this.”

     Crowe looked away, “It was a lot in a  short period of time” they gestured vaguely in the air, not wanting conversation to linger on it.

     Nick’s face drew back into concern and he leaned forward in his chair “How many times”

     Like flipping a switch, Crowe shrunk toward the wall slightly, suddenly very interested in the faded pattern on the matress.

     “Not enough to break me down, thats for sure” the fake joviality cracked halfway through and they quickly followed up with a huffed “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

      “Exactly,” Ellie stood up, surpising Crowe. “We can plan more later.” She grabbed the one first aid kit still in the room “You can go check on Travis after I double check you didn’t tear open the new skin.”

     The intensity just behind her tone made it clear to Crowe they weren’t to argue with her tending to the wound, so their protest died before it even began to form. Just gave a  “Yes ma’am” and pulled their arm out the bottom of their shirt.

     Crowe looked back over to Piper, muttering to herself, still clearly frazzled and over to Nick, deep in thought, looking out without seeing anything, coming up with worst case scenarios.

    Ellie’s hands were normally steady as anything, but Crowe could feel the light trembles as she unwound the bandage going down their arm.

 

     The temptation hovered in their mind. To take it all back, leave them without this existential worry, to let them live thinking Crowe won with pure dumb luck. But they were tired of it. It would hurt now, they’d be hated later, but in the end it would work out.

 

    It had to.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make me a plan, DJ man!
> 
> And a whole city worries over Crowe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> discussion of death and implied tourture

     Planning around an enemy with unknown quantities of information, informants, and goals shouldn’t be something Nick was getting used to- but here he was, doing just that for at least the second time in recent memory.

     Crowe had a limited knowledge of who the group was, it being a seemingly random assortment of otherwise incompatible factions. This meant they should try and keep their movements on the down-low, and they had a pretty good idea of how to do it.

     “Should let Trav know how bad news these guys are. Usually don’t mind his reports, but feels like maybe having someone anounce my every move won’t be too smart.”

     Then came the discussions of where they were going next and Ellie brought up Goodneighbor.

     “You have allies over there too, they’re bound to be worried sick” She reasoned as they nodded enthusiastically.

     “What about Nat, though? No offense to you, Blue, but that’s not really the place I’d want to take her to”

     “She’s probably safer here, if we find someone to keep an eye on her” Nick thought back to the raider’s casual willingness to kidnap, but didn’t voice it. A glance at Crowe’s face showed they were thinking of the same.

     “More than just security.” Piper stated, distrust of the man in charge of the guards left unspoken.

     Crowe’s brows drew together as they got an idea. “Could Travis do it?”

     “That... Might work” Ellie started, “Known ally, decent shot, pretty good with kids, and I’m sure Nat would love to learn a bit about radio reporting”

     “We’d have to ask him, but I’m pretty sure he still owes me a favor” Piper seemed satisfied with the reasoning behind it.

     The team argued for a few minutes over the details of the plan before deciding they would head out right after sunset. That gave them enough time for restocking and geting their businesses in order and- if they were lucky- a nap.

     Nick volunteered to back them up when talking to Travis before he talked with security, and to his surprise Crowe actually insisted he come.

     “He hasn’t really had the chance to meet anyone else who know, y’know? He’s here all the time and it’s not like I can bring Hancock up for a chat about it” They smiled at the idea, “Besides that means I can come with you to give Hops the descriptions.”

     Piper had already left to prepare Nat’s overnight bags and pull her from the last hour of class to explain the situation. Ellie was getting the office prepared for the break and checking their stash of supplies.

     The walk to the Dugout took much longer than normal, now that the sun was up people were roaming around and Crowe was stopped several times by the varying citizens and settlers who had heard of their dramatic entrance.

     “It’s just... good to see you alive,” was one woman’s restrained comment after she ran down the alley at them, people nearby casually slowing to give them a once-over as well. Crowe just gave the lady a nod and a lazy salute before she moved on.

     Just outside of the building another resident who was visibly inebriated ran up and crushed them in a hug, Crowe’s hand halfway on their hidden knife before realizing the intent behind the motion. They half patted the disheveled person on their back and gave a pleading look at Nick who gently guided the person back to their seat.

     Crowe murmured their thanks at him as he walked between them and the larger gathering of people in the bar.

     “Not used to this attention” They quietly told him.

     “Really, I didn’t notice” He drawled.

     Getting Vadim to remain calm about the matter was a bit too much to ask for right off the bat and he loudly announced their presence to the patrons.

     “There they are, my toughest customer! Giving the whole city fright like that was good for business, but personally I would not like you to do so again.”

     Crowe could feel the dozen or so stares on the back of their head as he spoke. They slid their eyes from him over to Yefim in front of the rooms.

     Nick leaned over the counter to speak with the man, “Heard Travis took it particularly hard, is he still here?”

     “Yes, yes, been back there worrying all night, it would be good for him to see you both”

     “Precisely why we’re here” Nick finished as the other brother told Crowe which room the DJ was hiding out in.

     Standing in front of the door, Crowe motioned for him to knock first.

     “Hey, uh, Travis you awake in there?” He was answered with a dull thud and the door opened to show the DJ, his hair sleep tousled, but his eyes still tired.

     “Detective Valentine-“ His eyes caught on the roughed up Crowe standing a step behind their partner.

     “Can we come in?” They asked, a promise to explain in the tone.

     Travis stepped aside and motioned them forward before closing the door. He pointedly looked at Nick before looking back at Crowe.

     “I told him about the skipping, sorry” They confessed, sitting on the edge of the bed with a quiet groan.

     “No, no, that’s. Alright. More your secret than mine.” He thought a moment about phrasing “I assume he was involved in last night’s bout?”

     “Did the missing arm give it away?” Nick said with a hint of bite, not enjoying the two talking past him. Travis flinched slightly, realizing the mistake

     “Sorry, not exactly used to talking about this with other people. Care to fill me in on what that was about?”

     Nick told the story from his perspective while Crowe waited patiently to cut in with their own information.

     “The first bookmark happened right before they attacked, second time I bookmarked in the doorway and was pretty well trapped. Saw seven, but they didn’t exactly line up for roll call.”

     Travis let out a long breath “And they could all remember too? I mean, I figured there were others out there, but how could they even find eachother?”

     Crowe leaned forward to rest their elbows on their knees, looking down at the ground and Nick wondered what they could be thinking of. His own questions came back up

     “Travis.” He started. “How many times did you skip.”

     “Oh, um” The man glanced nervously at Crowe who was pointedly looking away. “I didn’t keep count”

     “I already told you, it’s not that important.” They grumbled at Nick, “Nothing I haven’t already dealt with”

     “But every time it happened that means you died, a little hard to believe you lost track of dying” He didn’t want to push them on this, but any information was vital in a situation like this.

     “Actually” Travis spoke up. “A lot of the skips blended together.”

     “And.” He looked back to Crowe as if for permission, but they looked away without making a move to interupt them. “Some of them were hours apart. I didn’t even know if they’d gotten away until Scarlet came back to tell me”

     Nick started to process what that could mean before Crowe chimed back in to switch topics.

     “Piper wanted to ask you a favor.”

     “Shoot”

     “Can Nat stay with you while we go to Goodneighbor? She thinks Nat would be a lot safer behind the wall with someone who knows whats going on.”

     Travis took a moment to think “I’d need to check with Yefim, but I can hole up in here with her for a bit, just need to get my recordings ready to go”

     Nick remembered the other business they’d come to discuss “In that line of thinking, do you think you could keep our, ah, travels on the quiet side? Can’t be too sure who’s listening to your station these days”

     That gave the DJ more pause “I still need to report on your arrival though, word’s already gotten around about it and I would like to keep the facts straight, you got a lot of people worried about you out there, Crowe”

     “I trust your judgement, Travis” Crowe said looking him straight in the eye. After a few tense seconds their eyes crinkled into a smile which he returned “No pressure, though”

     Nick felt a bit more at ease knowing the allies that had his back were the sort he could trust. And while this had not been the worst press negotiation he’d had to do in his doubled lifetime, it was certainly one for the books.

     - - -

     “I still think I should be able to go,” Nat pouted as she, Ellie, and Crowe walked through the marketplace.

     Ellie had handed the list of supplies over to Crowe once they’d gotten back and the traveler had motioned for her to join them. Nat had insisted on going because she “Never got to do anything fun with them”.

     Not that shopping was Ellie’s idea of fun, but Crowe and Nat could make anything interesting.

     “If you came with you’d have to walk all the way” Crowe countered, comforting Nat as they counted out caps “And its just going to be a lot more talking about boring stuff. I’ve even been told I’m not allowed to fight a single thing on our way there!”

     “Not even raiders?” Nat gasped, turning to Ellie.

     “Not even raiders.” Ellie confirmed. She handed the box of trinkets and caps to Arturo who slid boxes of bullets over the counter at Crowe.

     Ellie counted the boxes and saw there was an extra case of .308 ammo and squinted at the salesman, wondering what his angle was.

     “Is there a problem?” he stated more than asked as she stared him down. Crowe tapped her to break her out of it and took all but the extra box into their bag, giving him a pointed look.

     At the general store, a similar event happened, Myrna seemingly miscounting how much the rations and purified water would cost them. Even after Crowe corrected her, their bag ended up with a few more Mutfruit than they’d asked for.

     Ellie realized the conspiracy after that.

     “They’re just trying to look out for you, Crowe.” Ellie softly told them as the adventurer tried to figure out which passing customer just snuck a bag of caps onto their haul.

     “I can look after my damn self,” was the muttered, embarassed response. Ellie just rolled her eyes and asked Nat what was left on the list.

     “‘Med kit’, underlined three times and circled.” She read.

     Ellie clicked her tounge, Doc Sun wasn’t supposed to be back until late tonight, so she might have to go borrow more personal supplies like Piper had last night.

     Crowe caught back up to them, having secured their bags from any more well-intentioned reverse pickpocketers and gave a hummed “What’s up?”.

     “We need supplies from Sun before we leave, might have to postpone the trip til morning” She explained.

     Crowe breathed out a few swears before turning around and proposing a new plan. “I can make a few stimpacks if we circle back to Myrna- still not going to be enough for comfort. Didn’t see any rad storms brewing, but Solomon should still have some-“

     Nat tapped Crowe’s arm and pointed behind them to where the local doctor was walking purposefully toward them, a taped together box in his arms.

     Without any fanfare, Sun foisted the box into Ellie’s arms and she stumbled for a moment at the weight. He took a step back, clasping his hands in front of him.

     “Heard you got into trouble while I was gone.” A simple statement.

     Ellie shifted the box to one hand and flipped open the lid. She looked down into the box to see it filled with more medicine than she’d seen in one place her whole life. Crowe refused to look inside it.

     “I will not accept this.” They stated with finality. Ellie recognized it as their “General Crowe” voice, and went to hand the box back over, head spinning trying to calculate the price.

     “Business has been better than it’s been for years. Seems that happens when people stay alive long enough to seek medical treatment.” He maintined his posture, hands folded, looking into Crowe’s eyes.

     Nat got on her tip toes next to her to look into the box and let out a loud “Holy shit!”, breaking Ellie out of her revere.

     “Crowe,” She tried. “We need suplies”

     “And if people come to him, needing it?” They retorted, not looking away from the doctor.

     “Then they’ll be glad I wasn’t foolish enough to give away my entire stock.” Sun smoothed over.

     Crowe finally looked away to look into the box.

     “I’m paying for these” a moment of math before realizing they wouldn’t be allowed to pay full price.

     “1,000” they offered, although all those present knew the bundles of stimpacks alone were worth much more than that.

     “If you must.” He relented casually and Crowe squinted at him before going to count out their bags of caps. When they were done they handed it to him and gave him one last solid look before taking the box from Ellie and heading back to the office, a speed in their step like they were afraid someone else was going to try and foist gifts on them.

     “They’re a good person,” Sun said, both he and Ellie watching as Nat followed Crowe around the corner. “Hoping that won’t be as rare some day”

     “You really didn’t have to do that, Doc” Ellie side-eyed him as he weighed the caps.

     “I meant what I said about business being good- That’s only a fraction of the shipment I just got in. I’ve been looking for a way to pay them back for a while. Call it an investment- if you must.”

     She tried to read him for any hints of malicious intent, but came up with nothing. He turned to her and held the bag of caps out to her. Ellie gently took it from him and he gave her a smile.

     “Be sure to get them something nice”

     “Just so y’know, you’re not half bad yourself, Doc” Ellie left with the bag tucked gently under her arm and a better understanding of the hope Crowe presented for their rotted world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time the squad rolls out and we get to see The King Of The Zombies
> 
> might attach a one-off of his past w Crowe at a certain point, so be on the lookout for that


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roadtrip, Puns, and Emotional Discusions with a Zombie King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I caved and used a computer stead of typing it all on the tiny lil screen  
> warnings for:  
> -discussions of death  
> -arm puns that are genuinely shitty  
> -brief discussions of suicide  
> -vauge discussions of torture, psychological and physical  
> I couldn’t find a good spot to break this up so here it is!

* * *

     Sunset came and the team said goodbye to Nat and Travis, having stopped by the dugout to double check the proper preparations were made. Ellie ended up having to shuffle Piper out of the bar as she kept remembering obscure rules to impart onto the impromptu babysitter.

     Back at the office was a whirlwind of motion as the group double-checked eachother's work. Piper had the descriptions of the group as best as Crowe could give them and she and Ellie had their heavier weapons out and ready for the potentially treacherous trek. Crowe had on their best light armor and had begrudgingly packed away all but their pistols. Nick hadn't had as much to prepare, himself, but accepted the sparsely packed bag Ellie offered him anyways, if only for the first aid kit in it and the knowledge that Crowe would find junk to fill it with in due time.

     Despite Nick's best efforts to try and remain secretive about the time of their departure, he knew his friends could be a bit less subtle about the matter and wasn't as surprised as he should have been when three guards were waiting right outside his office when the time came for them to roll out. Hops gave a smug smile at his mild exasperation and motioned for the other two- Kade and the other one whose name he never caught- to flank their team on the way out of the city. It drew much more attention than he'd wanted and figured the whole city knew their group was headed out.

     "Was trying to go for the more discrete approach," Nick muttered to the nameless, enthusiastic guard next to him.

     "Yeah, I don't think discrete is ever in the cards for you folks" was the jab he returned with, getting a snort from Kade. Hops waved off his worries, 

     "Kade and I were only going to city's edge, but Shortstop has business near Goodneighbor, so he said he'd escort you the rest of the way."

     "You sure about that?" Nick asked, "Not a fun path to take back alone."

     Crowe eyed the mentioned guard up and down and Nick bet that under their mask they were giving a shit-eating grin as they looked back at him and tugged on his empty sleeve. "I mean, we're pretty short-handed, so why should short stop." 

     Piper stuck out her tongue, "God, try saying that five times fast."

     Nick just rolled his eyes, holding back his grin.

     "Alright, Crowe, glad to see you're doing better. Get all the arm jokes out now." He waved his hand at the group, and 

     "Well you say it's alright," Shortstop started, "But it's looking to me that you're all-left"

     "I'm thinking he got that outfit at a discount," Crowe joke-whispered "Heard those usually cost and arm _and_ a leg."

     "I think I've heard deathclaw with better jokes than you" the reporter deadpanned, falling on deaf ears.

     "Wait, so if your upper arm is cut in half." Ellie proposed, "Does that mean it is bicep-ted?"

     "Okay, next joke is the last one til Goodneighbor" Nick's warning signalling they'd reached the edge of city patrols.

     "shshshhhhshhhh" Shortstop hushed the group "I'm trying to find one that would work for "handout""

     "Fuck you," Crowe enthused before continuing the one they'd been planning "we should've stopped by the store to see if they had any elbow-grease for you, Nick."

     "And there it was" Nick swept his one arm up like he was calling the winner of a race to mixed reaction of relief and disappointment.

     "I'm just glad I'm not the one traveling with you yahoos" was Kade's only parting message, one that Hops echoed as they went back into the relative safety of the wall.

     The jovial start made the long slow process of sneaking much more manageable in his opinion. As much as he didn't want to keep relying on the others, he had to admit it was nice having more people in capable shape than injured going through the ruins.

     He knew nothing about this "Shortstop" fellow, but Crowe got along well with him, so he figured the guy was good people. Hell, Shortstop was leading the charge on sneaking them through back alleys and around hostile dens, had even took a few tight turns Nick hadn't known about. They'd have made record time if Crowe hadn't tapped him on the shoulder to ask for a break as they got close.

     "Just need a bit of a breather, is all." they reassured him when he asked. Hunkered behind a burnt out bus, Piper and Shortstop had taken point on either end of the makeshift alley while Ellie prepared a stimpack for them, which they gratefully took.

     "I think." Their jaw was moving to indicate they were chewing on their lip as they reasoned in their head. "I think I'm going to bookmark here, does that sound okay?" Nick scanned the area and didn't notice any abnormalities.

     "Seems safe enough to me, just let me know if that changes" His measured response seemed good enough for them and he watched their eyes slip closed and they took a deep breath. This was something he'd seen them do before, just one deep breath in and out before continuing- hadn't thought anything of it until just then. "Is that what it looks like? The bookmarking, that is" He clarified. They nodded.

     "Usually yeah, helps me focus- I can make them by accident too but most of 'em are on purpose. Just. Weird to think more carefully about the where and when, now."

     "So before, you weren't?" He raised an eyebrow

     "Had my fair share of bad spots before- looping right into a suicider wasn't my greatest moment- but it was a lot... Simpler when I didn't have to worry about the threat being on the same page as me."

     He began thinking more about their ability. An odd one to be sure, terrifying if it had been anyone but Crowe with it. Nick began collecting questions to ask when they were in a safer place. He offered them his hand up and they took it, seemingly more eager than ever to get to the city. Ellie tapped Piper's shoulder and the group made to continue when Shortstop spoke up.

     "It's been real traveling with you, but here's where I have to give my goodbyes, I'm headed south from here, but you should be safe the rest of the way- the watch usually keeps this street pretty clean." He hardly waited for the smattering of goodbyes before he left the group, quickly turning down an alley and out of sight.

      "Odd guy," Piper supplied the moment she couldn't see the uniform, "nice, but odd."

      "C'mon Pipes," was Ellie's redirection, "Sooner we get in town, sooner we can sleep."

      “Here, here,” Piper turned away and continued down the street.

     Sure enough, the street was empty, save the two men on watch outside of the entrance. The pair nodded in recognition of the group and waited for them to get closer.

     “Tony.” Crowe greeted one of them once within earshot.

     “Heard you got yourself into a scrape yesterday” The mentioned ghoul gentleman started, “Boss’s been trying to play it cool, but I think it’s best you see him before he sends Fahr after you”

     Crowe nodded and saluted before the guard opened the door. The team filed in, but Piper stopped and gave the pair a once-over.

     “Just keep this on the quiet side, we’re on a bit of a sensitive mission”

     “Ooooh wow, sensitive mission” the other man parroted while Tony rolled his eyes.

     “Yeah, yeah, we’ll keep it zipped”

     Piper made a less than plased face at the mocking but figured it was as good as she was going to be getting and caught up with the three waiting inside the door for her.

     Ellie clapped her hands together to draw the group’s attention “I don’t know about the rest of you, but the first thing I’m doing is getting a room and sleeping like the dead- no offense Crowe- and we can ask around in the more lively hours”

     Piper heartily agreed, but Crowe wavered their hand in opposition.

     “I feel like if I leave Hancock hanging much longer he’ll find a way to hang me” they reasoned. Nick thought about the state Travis had seemed, shaken up and unsure even after seeing Crowe for himself.

     He could only imagine what the lack of news was doing to the ghoul who had seen the kind of danger Crowe could survive firsthand.

     “Then how about our lovely ladies go check in and we can see if he’s taking visitors” He offered, if Crowe wanted to do this alone they could send him off but until then he didn’t really want to let them out of his sight.

     They took longer than usual to decide if they wanted the company or not, eyes fixed on his and distant at the same time. Their eyebrows briefly pinched together before evening out. “Yeah, sounds like a plan”

     Nick gave the parting pair luck on getting some rest and at Crowe’s prompting went in the state house first.

     The guards inside glanced over the two as they walked up the familiar stairway to the set of double doors Fahrenheit was leaning near. She eyed them up and down, nodding after a moment and pounded against the door.

     “Hey you got visitors” She shouted, loud enough to startle whoever was inside.

     “Tell ‘em to fuck off!” Came the muffled reply from very familiar voice.

     “Do it yourself” this was met with grumbling, shuffling and eventually the creaking open of the door.

     Hancock leaned out to give Fahr a quick glare, “Gladly” he turned to his visitors “Fu-ucking hell you guys look like shit.” he caught himself mid-yell, realizing who he was looking at.

     Nick rolled his eyes while Crowe gave the man a shy wave, half hidden by the synthetic frame, like they expected to be scolded by their friend.

     He could see from there that the ghoul wasn’t as put together as he normally was; no jacket, no hat and the clothes he had on were askew on his frame. Clearly hadn’t been planning on going anywhere or seeing anyone anytime soon.

     “Heard you two made one hell of an entrance in Diamond City” Exhaustion seeped into his voice subtly enough that Nick wasn’t sure he’d catch it if he wasn’t familiar with hearing the unsaid.

     “Still want them to fuck off?” Fahrenheit was smiling smugly and Hancock flipped her off before waving them in.

     Crowe had already begun shucking the thin armor they’d been wearing and placing it on a table off to the side once they entered- they did it so confidently Nick had to wonder how many times Crowe dropped by.

Hancock stopped a few steps into the room, squinting for a moment when he looked at Nick before turning his head slightly to look at Crowe, as if asking a question. Nick had a pretty good idea of what the question was.

     “I’ve been told about their situation- as it were- if that’s your concern.” He sat down and leaned forward, wishing vaguely for a smoke to give his hand something to do. Crowe hovered stiffly near the table as Hancock shoved empty drug containers off the other couch so he could flop onto it, arms slung over the back.

     “Then do you mind telling me what the fuck that was last night?”

     Nick looked to Crowe to see if they wanted to start but they were still over near the wall, staring at the gas mask in their hand. A moment passed before they broke out of the revere and turned to look back at Nick.

     “Ran into some trouble” They plainly stated, eyes still more distant than Nick liked.

     “Damn right there was trouble.” Hancock leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he started what looked like a rant he’d been building up for the past day. Crowe turned toward him but didn’t make moves to stop him.

     “I’m out there, y’know seeing the people and I get a few skips- No biggie, but you’re out with him, and he-“ motions at Nick “Usually does a damn good job at keeping you in one piece. Little worried, so I decide to turn in early, say my goodnights and I’m halfway back when the next one hits, and the one after that, and the next twenty after that, and I-” Hancock stopped himself from growing into a yell as he took a breath. One hand came up to scrub at his face, he peered around it avoiding looking at either visitor. Crowe was stuck in place staring at him. Nick started getting the feeling this was something that should’ve given the two more privacy to discuss.

     “And the only thing I kept thinking” was the careful enunciation “was that you were trying to make it stick. That something happened and I wasn’t there to help.” He lowered the hand to glare at Crowe, “Now you weren’t doing anything like that, were you?”

     The adventurer held the gaze for a few seconds before tears started dripping from their eyes. “No” came the choked response and they shook their head as they wiped their eyes before their composure broke and they started shaking holding back sobs. Nick stood to head towards them when the ghoul shot up and half-ran over. 

     “Shit, come here.” Hancock opened his arms and Crowe folded into them like they’d done it dozens of times. “Just, had to make sure I didn’t have to kick your ass”

     Crowe gave a wet laugh into his shoulder, “I’ve had it kicked enough, thanks” a few moments standing there together, Crowe breathed heavy before continuing.

     “Others remember. Really nasty ones, too.” Nick could see Hancock stiffen up at that before Crowe continued on, talking nearly into his chest. “And I knew it was a trap, I _knew_ that they knew.”

     “And I got us in this mess because they said they knew why this happens and I couldn’t just leave it as good enough” Crowe began shaking like a leaf again and Hancock coaxed them into sitting on the floor with him. They clung like he was a bouy in a hurricane and the ghoul looked at Nick and motioned for him to get over to help comfort them.

     “But they wanted to- Wanted to make their point, make me work with them, and- and they kept-” When Crowe said that, Nick stopped in his tracks and made a connection he’d been avoiding. “It was just like before, and you know I couldn’t... I couldn’t”

     “They tortued you” Nick whispered, like saying it louder would make it more true.

     Crowe visibly flinched at his voice and curled their head downward, shaking it with eyes clenched shut.

     Hancock rubbed at their back before glancing at Nick for a moment. “Don’t think it’s themself they’re upset about” Crowe let out another sob as if to back him up. Hancock started mumbling to them softly.

     Nick had to mentally take a step back to process what the man could be talking about. What else could the raiders have done? They’d been a fair distance from any other allies and he doubted they’d trek through the city with prisoners just to make a point.

     Prisoner _s_

     Oh.

     They’d had him too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick remembering his first-first meeting with Crowe and trying to not remember his first-last time seeing them.
> 
> Fahrenheit gives a pep talk about emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pacing might not be the best on this one, but I left myself some weird angles to fill in and I figured something was better than nothing
> 
> warning for  
> -brief non-malicious misgendering of Crowe in the first part

     Zenith. That’s what Crowe had been going by when Nick -the other Nick- had first met them.

     It had been three days after moving to the city and only his fourth time visiting the office he was stationed at.

     And some jackass had gone and wired his phone to the lightswitch.

     Rather than endure the constant ringing, he moved his chair to the hall so he could flip through the stack of files the chief had left on his desk. Jumping onto a case halfway through like this meant he’d be playing catch-up for about a week, but his teammates seemed to be understanding enough- even if they were useless about his light problem.

     He almost ignored the phone when it started ringing, scrambling back inside to answer what was an actual call this time.

     “Valentine here.”

     “Heya,” the secretary’s voice, “Boss was looking for you, didn’t know if you were here of not, myself”

     “No, I’m here, having some trouble with my lights is all” he managed to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

     The lady snorted on the other end “well, I’ll be sure to let the handyman know while you’re on your way up.” She hung up before he could reply.

     The detective sighed and scooped the files he’d dropped in the hall back onto his desk and made his way up.

     The secretary gave him a cheeky wave as he came closer. Her nameplate identified her as “Wanda”.

     “Any clue what this is about?” He asked, lighting a cigarette. Or trying to, Wanda reached over her desk and plucked it out of his hand before he could light it.

     “Not in here” was the curt explaination. “it’s just a quick “personality interview” to see if you’ll click with your team or if you’ll need a further office” there was the hint of a threat in her voice and he got the gist.

     Just because he was on the case didn’t mean the Chief couldnt get a say on what he did. This was a test.

     So, when he entered the office and saw what was, on first observation, a young lady in a vest and slacks sitting on the Chiefs desk and spinning a screwdriver, he held his tounge.

     Behind the desk the kid was sitting on was Barros himself- every stereotype of a police chief come to life save for the currently lacking cigar. He was broad shouldered, a bit on the portly side, large white mustache and short cropped hair.

     He played it safe and acknowledged Barros first. “You called?”

     “Wanted to see how you were settling in, how caught up you were, if anyone was giving you trouble.” He motioned for Nick to sit and he did.

     “No problem with the team, they’ve been very forthcoming- should be ready to head out by Sunday” He paused for a moment and gave the stranger another glance, wondering what their clearance level was. “There has been an issue with my phone today. Though, no one seems to know anything about it.”

     Barros glanced over at the stranger, who cracked a wide smile and Nick instantly knew they were the culprit.

     “Really?” They said, “Good thing I’m here then”

     “And you would be?” Nick tried not to glare.

     Barros at least had the respect to look exasperated as he introduced them. “This is my grandchild, Zenith, they’re the handyman around here”

     “Not just ‘cuz the nepotism either, I like to think I’m pretty good” Zenith boasted before throwing the screwdriver in the air and fumbling when they went to catch it.

     Nick paid attention to the words Barros used, “grandchild” and “handyman” in particular. He was far from uneducated in matters of this nature- His Jenny would kill him if he refused to be open- and risked an educated guess in his response.

     “So He would be the man to talk to about my lights?” Nick prodded the prounoun gently.

     Barros leaned onto the desk and fixed him with an intense gaze, “Yes, They would be person to talk to”

     A few blinks to reevaluate his situation before Nick remembered his manners. “Sorry ‘bout the mix up.” he adressed to Zenith, “But Barros, I think your grandchild’s responsible for the prank in my office”

     Zenith held their hand to their chest and gasped dramatically “Gramps, I thought your detectives knew better than accuse without evidence.” Barros had the face of a long suffering mentor as he prepared to apologize to Nick before the other man spoke up first.

     “Which is why I’m not. You still have shreds of phone wire on your shoe” he pointed “and I’m sure security’ll tell me you were here before me this morning, unless you have an alibi”

     The teenager seemed to hardly hold back any glee at being called out for their antics and smiled broadly

     “I’ll have it done by lunch” They reached behind themself to grab a paper they handed to the detective. He read it over as they rattled off the information on it.

     “Here’s my hours, if there’s something urgent call the number down there or ask Gramps. I can fix any of the machines down here, but can’t do too much with the computers, that’s Wanda’s job.” They slid off the table and pointed at the writing in big font on the bottom of the paper.

     ‘NO SMOKING.’

     “If you want to ignore this one, go right ahead, but they last guy who did it got a new paintjob- courtesy of my lungs”

     “Zenith,” Barros cut in.

     “Fine,” Zenith rolled their eyes and took on a mockingly ‘proper’ pose. “‘Due to the handyman on staff having allergic reactions to cigarette smoke, we kindly ask you to take your smoke breaks outside’”

     “If that’s a problem, Valentine, let me know and I can find a different office for you to work in” Barros warned.

     The chief had given his statement aditional weight behind it, giving Valentine a warning and an out, wrapped into one- if he stayed with this team he’d have to be willing to work with Zenith.

     Valentine knew all too well the type who’d refuse the job on the smoking rules alone, not even accounting for Zenith’s antics and identity, but he wasn’t that type. He had a good feeling about this assignment.

     “I could always use a little more fresh air”

____________

     The smug unscarred smile the kid gave Nick after that was one of the stronger memories he had of them pre-war. The ones he had of them after that were caught up with the flashes he’d get from the Winters case.

     So, looking at them now, crying out for all that was unfair, he was almost overwhelmed with the memory of the last time they’d spoken to him as Zenith.

     It wasn’t exactly what he’d call a pleasant feeling and knowing he was the one they were mourning this time made it worse in a strange and twisted way.

     Best he could do is make sure it doesn’t happen again.

     “I’ll give you two some space” he said, turning on his heel while avoiding the look Hancock was giving him.

     He was at least halfway down to the Memory Den before he noticed he was being followed, not that his tail was putting too much effort into stealth

     “Hancock send you after me?” Nick asked Fahrenheit as she caught up with him.

     “Something like that, his exact words were ‘make sure he doesn’t do something I’ll have to clean up’, but I figured we’d have some catching up to do.” She elbowed him, “You’re not doing anything rash, are you?”

    Nick rolled his eyes, “I wasn’t exactly being much of a help calming Crowe down up there- I was going to see if Amari could fix my arm. At least get something useful done while I’m here”

     Fahrenheit hummed noncommittally  and waited for him to lead the way. Once inside the den, she quietly started the conversation.

    “I can’t remember this shit either, but I’ve seen Hancock after skips and he told me what it was like before he knew why it was happening.” Nick pinched his brows and slowed to a stop in the hall to listen. “He said it felt like he was losing his mind, that there were days he didn’t do anything because it was pointless. And when he first found out it was Crowe, he hated them.”

     “And why are you telling me this, exactly?” Nick asked, “make me feel bad for the guys killing them?”

     “Far from it, once he found out they didn’t know what they were doing to him, he tried his best to help them. So,” She leaned against the wall. “that included working together to keep as many people safe as possible with the bookmarks. Supermutant raid? Go back a bookmark and fix the defenses. Hostage shot? Not anymore.”

     “Your point?”

     “My point” Fahr stressed “is they both go through hell together, so we can’t really... Can’t really expect to just jump in on the same page as them.”

     He looked away from her, toward the faded posters, eyes idly tracing the pictures on them. She settled in similarly avoiding eye contact.

      The revere was broken by a man opening the door, glancing at the pair blocking the path and quickly moving back outside.

     Nick turned back to Fahrenheit and tipped his hat at her slightly. She nodded and pushed off the wall before heading back outside. He waved off the smattering of greetings he got, missing arm speaking for itself.

     “Mister Valentine, back with more mercenary brain?” Amari lightly joked, eyes quickly taking in what damage she could through his clothes.

     “Sorry, not this time. Just need a quick patch job”

     “I’ll say. Well, take off your shirt, lets see what the damage is this time.”

     


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowe reflects on their view of events and gets sappy over names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for:  
> -alcohol use and mild inebriation  
> -violence and temporary character death  
> -passing mentions of pre-war transphobia  
> -mentions of property destruction to release anger(?)

     Hancock realized he’d said the wrong thing some time between the words coming out of his mouth and Valentine closing the door behind him.

     He swore under his breath and when Fahr stuck her head in and cocked an eyebrow, he sent her after the detective. Crowe was wiping their eyes with their sleeve and was trying to regain their composure.

     “I shouldn’t’ve-“ he started to apologize before Crowe cut him off, waving their hand.

     “Don’t. He was going to figure it out soon enough.” A few moments of them evening out their breath. “I’m bookmarking now. Before I overthink it.”

     “It’s your choice” He evenly stated.

     It wasn’t uncommon for Crowe to undo moments like this- one of the first times he’d seen them after figuring out the skipping, they’d been screaming and throwing things around the old state house, smashing through walls and shrugging off the guards trying to hold them back before giving up and skipping back to when they had just gotten back to town.

     Later, when the two were on the same page, he asked why they’d done it and they quietly told him about how a rescue mission had gone wrong that morning.

     And he could understand it. The anger of uselessness.

     Once they started traveling together, he saw those cracks in the unbreakable facade more often; Plans going sideways and Crowe left with violently shaking off the overwhelming feeling of failure before going back to try again. He was there to help it evolve from anger to a steady resolve, and with it the two got better at knowing when the other needed a break.

     That’s what their time apart was supposed to be. A break from making decisions as a general, from mapping out the world into preventable and inevitable, to get ready to follow through with their plans to hunt down a courser.

     So much for that, he supposed.

     Once Crowe reopened their eyes Hancock stood up and offered them a hand up, motioning to the couch. They took the offer and sat next to him as he poured them each a glass of bourbon from the table.

     They drank theirs down fast as anything and poured themself another. He sat back with his own glass, feeling he’d need it for the conversation.

     “So lets try this again. From the beginning, as much as you can remember, take your time.”

____________

     Crowe had known something was wrong moments after stepping into the office. Raiders didn’t normally use this large a variety of traps- everything from tripwire guns to plasma mines.

     They could have let their assumptions about raiders slide off and taken it in stride if they hadn’t seen their tag marking all along the walls, almost mocking them to come closer.

     The only times they had used it had been undone- lost to wherever the skips went. 

     Nick realized something was bothering them- of course he did, sometimes he knew before they knew themself- but this wasn’t the time to drop their big secret on him so they kept it vauge.

     Maybe they should have said something.

     They’d thought bookmarking after getting into position would make the fight easier, like it normally does, so Crowe took careful aim at the larger raider and concentrated on the moment before pulling the trigger.

     After she hit the floor, Crowe watched Nick shooting from around the corner, forcing the other two to take cover. They only needed one to ask questions to, they reasoned aiming at the next.

     Before they could pull the trigger, Hubcap said something to Ripcord who reached inside their coat, and the world fuzzed out in an explosion.

     The second and third time were lost almost instantly to explosions before Crowe could do much more than recenter their aim.

     The fourth time, Crowe lost their footing at the mental echoes of the explosions, and by the time they leveled out their gun, Nick had taken a number of shots at Hubcap, giving the other woman time to swing at him with the battle-ax.

     They tore their eyes away right before it hit and focused on Ripcord, who was checking on Hubcap’s body.

     Ripcord clearly didn’t see anything they liked and said as much to the raider they now knew was named “Sledge”.

     Crowe took aim at Ripcord as they went to reach into their vest again, taking them down to Sledge’s surprise.

     They jumped down, hiding the way their hands were shaking getting closer to what used to be Nick and the woman still standing over his body.

     “Tell me what you know.” They demanded, holding their rifle steady at the woman’s forehead.

     Sledge broke out into a smile that held no small amount of malice as she answered. “Doc knows how you dance around, and I know that you have to go back,” She kicked the body by her feet. “for this piece of trash-“

     Crowe didn’t feel any joy at shooting Sledge, knowing that she was right- they would have to go back for Nick. But first- they had to know who they were dealing with.

     As they walked over to where Ripcord lay, they stopped to place Nick’s hat back on his head, giving the ax-shaped gashes in his chest as brief a glance as they could. Crowe leaned down to Ripcord and pulled the detonator out of their pocket, inspecting it closely.

     If they found the frequency, they should be able to jam it.

     Crowe activated the detonator.

____________

 

     “N’like, I couldn’t just leave him like that” Crowe slurred slightly, moving their drink around to make their point. Some time during their storytelling they’d sprawled out on the couch, legs hanging over one side, head resting on their friends lap. “Cuz y’know he’s the only guy I got from, uh, before all this flavor of bullshit”

     Hancock gave a hum of acknowledgment, and tapped idly at his glass, knowing Crowe would continue on whether or not he was responding.

     “Like. He knew me before I was Crowe, and he was always so cool about it which, like,” From this angle he could see their face scrunch around as they tried to put their thoughts into words “that was a big deal back then, all about living how people told you to, being who they said you were.” A pause as they finished off their drink. “Fuck that, though.”

     “Amen.”

     Crowe tapped his chest with their knuckles. “Do you wanna know what I used to go by? Fucking Zenith. Tha’s some nerd-ass math shit right there but he respected it.”

     He took the glass out of their hand and set it best he could on the table without dumping them out of his lap. “Forgot what a fuckin’ lightweight you are”

     “Lis’en...” Crowe started before it became clear they had no idea what their follow up was about to be. They changed topics. “How’d you pick ‘John’ though. Like, if that’s okay to ask”

     “It’s fine. I just kept seeing it everywhere, and then one day just went ‘huh’ and it fit.” 

     “Destiny” Crowe lit up, pointing at his outfit.

     “Coincidence” He rebutted, poking their forehead. “Where’d Crowe come from, why not stay a nerd-ass”

     Their smile faltered and they got the look he knew to mean they were thinking about their brother. He started to change the subject, but they waved him off. “It was just. After I had to move back in with our parents, Zenith hurt too much to use. But Nate knew I hated the other one so he kept making up nicknames.” They started tearing up again so he helped them sit back up. “This one started as a joke, but it’s the one we moved out with, and then Crowe just meant me” They were actively trying to staunch the flow of tears as they explained.

     This was more than they’d ever shared with him before about their life pre-war, and the most they talked about their brother. Even in some of their deeper conversations, Nate had only been briefly mentioned when Crowe talked about Shaun.

     Hancock supposed opening up was good for trauma or something like that, but he also wasn’t a therapist so what the hell did he know.

     One of Crowe’s sobs turned into a hiccup as they tried to continue talking. “Why the fuck is the bouncer’s name Ham, though. Why didn’t I think of that one first, it’so good.”

     “I’m switching you to water”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things:  
> -Hancock is trans in this bc i said so  
> -I have cried before because i remembered the third rail’s bouncer was named ham


End file.
